Standard of living
May. 21st, 2010 08:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ailbheEvery so often, when I am particularly pleased with my life or my house, I remember the NCT coffee morning in my front room, where everyone lamented having to go back to work, and when I said "It's one reason we bought such a small house, we wanted to be able to manage on one salary." The response? It would be lovely, but they couldn't cope with the drop in standard of living.
I've often wondered whether they'd have said it if we'd been in one of their houses, which were all slightly more than twice the size of mine, and considerably more, um, groomed, whatever the grooming equivalent for houses is.
But then I go and sit in the garden and eat bagels again. So that's ok.
I've often wondered whether they'd have said it if we'd been in one of their houses, which were all slightly more than twice the size of mine, and considerably more, um, groomed, whatever the grooming equivalent for houses is.
But then I go and sit in the garden and eat bagels again. So that's ok.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 07:55 am (UTC)I really don't equate size of house with standard of living, or state of decor, or newness of kitchen/bathroom/landscaping/car with standard of living either.
We made the choices we made to be able to do what we want to do and spiffying up the house beyond what *we* need for it to be happily habitable is not something we choose to do.
I think there may be a long post in there about the necessity of making choices in life and being able to see clearly enough to know what your own priorities are, not the ones which are imposed by other people's expectations.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:18 am (UTC)Personally my standard of living is much better when I'm not miserably wishing I didn't have to [do what I have to do all day] and instead doing stuff I like.
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Date: 2010-05-21 08:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-05-21 08:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:19 am (UTC)This week it is perfect! And as a miraculous side-effect, the house itself is staying much tidier! HURRAH FOR LAWNS AND ALSO FOR TABLES TO EAT LUNCH OFF OF!
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Date: 2010-05-21 08:16 am (UTC)[Disclaimer: I am all for mothers working outside the home, and would almost certainly do so myself if I became a mother - but I am sad that my friend is making the choice due to perceived financial necessity rather than because she really wants to.)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:25 am (UTC)This is actually why I've got more determinedly rather than less leftwing as I've got slightly older and richer. I realised that I was thinking that if I'm financially responsible for my children's education, my parents' care, my own old age, mine and my family's healthcare - I simply can't earn enough money to be secure. All those things can literally cost hundreds of thousands of pounds: I really feel like I need the absolute highest possible salary if the alternative is my kids not being able to afford university or adequate medical care.
On the other hand, tell me that the state is going to provide healthcare, for my retirement and subsidise my children's education so it's affordable to all, and you know, all an extra £10k means is slightly nicer holidays, better wine and a slightly more stylish sofa. Nothing that really improves your quality of life more than the ability to be home by 5.30pm.
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Date: 2010-05-21 09:36 am (UTC)A lot of this is, I think, about expectations & how you set them or allow them to be set around you. Ten years ago I was doing a self-funded MPhil and surviving on next to no money (enough so that it was genuinely stressful & contributed to my bout of situational depression, so that is kind of my lower limit for such things; but I did get by). Three years ago I was earning over three times that (which, ahem, was still not a *lot*, but comfortable!), and at that time I was thinking about going part-time and trying to work out how much I could 'afford' to lose in earnings, and unconvinced about whether it was feasible. Then I quit my job to do a bit of travelling, earnt not-very-much again for 10 month, and came back with the attitude that actually I *can* get by on not-much-at-all, and I'd rather have the time than the money. (So now I do a little bit of freelance writing and spend the rest of the time on Other Stuff.)
But the thing is, I don't think all that much *changed* between 10 yrs ago (when my 7-yrs-later salary would have seemed ludicrously extravagant), 3 yrs ago (when it just seemed comfortable, and not *much* more than I 'needed'), and now (when it's back to seeming quite extravagant :) ). I just got used to the things that go along with each of those states, and that became 'normal'. So it's partly security, and partly spending-to-what's-available & not necessarily seeing which parts of that are more optional.
What your friends are doing can have an impact, too -- the times when I do feel 'poor' currently are when I am out with mates who don't need to keep an eye on what the drinks are costing. And since most of my friends work full-time in reasonable jobs, this is most people I hang out with. Other than the anarchist activist types :)
(Then I remind myself that *I* can go sit in the park in the sunshine today if I want to, & I stop feeling poor.)
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Date: 2010-05-21 08:53 am (UTC)I have friends who hated going back to work... but they need to support the debt from the mortgage. Sometimes, it's for a small house, they planned for, sometimes it's a big house, the like as it has status.
I do have problems with women in no significant debt, full time jobs, three holidays a year, abroad, three cars in the house, spending most of their salary on expensive top whack child care, and then they whinge they'd prefer to be at home.
I usually want to slap them.
I have no problems with women who need to go back to work, as that's who they are.
And I'm desperately sympathetic, to the ones with no choice - working to put food on the table, desperate to be home. *sigh* There but for a heart attack, go I.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 09:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 09:57 am (UTC)The reality is that in the Catch-22 world of modern motherhood, there is no way for anyone to be happy (feature, not bug): if you admit you like your job and are greatful to get away from the family for a few hours, you're a bad mom. If you admit that you're happy being at home, gardening, cooking and playing with the children, you're lazy and a bad role model.
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Date: 2010-05-21 09:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 09:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 09:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 09:25 am (UTC)I'd like another room, which disappeared when we weren't using it so's it didn't get filled with clutter, just to have a big room with more space for the rare occasions when the rooms we have feel too small. But that's not the kind of house ambition we can actually work towards.
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Date: 2010-05-21 09:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 10:09 am (UTC)It really is about quality of life, not quantity. But it's also legitimately true that for many people, keeping up with the neighbours and climbing the aspiration ladder *is* part of what contributes to their quality of life. Bucolic family centred peace is no more a fit-all than ambitious career oriented striving.
For me, like for biascut, the relatively small part of my identity that is invested in making decent amounts of money is about gaining a sense of security for the future, because I have this whole "I am alone in the world and there is no one to help me, whaaa" thing going.
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Date: 2010-05-21 10:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-05-21 12:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 12:59 pm (UTC)Now it's hot weather Emer can't wear Charles' jumper any more. She's a bit sad about that. The photo of him making bread moves around our house a lot.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 12:36 pm (UTC)I am needing to work on my own attitude and thinking about it all quite a lot at the moment - like how much do I want to tidy up and decorate a bit for myself and my children, and how much am I just feeling I should because of other people's perceptions.
I know I've gone off at a bit of a tangent from the standard of living and money angle but it does sort of all tie in together, in my head anyway.
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Date: 2010-05-21 12:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-05-21 01:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 02:14 pm (UTC)Besides, if I didn't feel I had enough, I'd go looking for more. I just happen to have enough where I am now. Most of the time.
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Date: 2010-05-21 03:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 03:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-05-21 09:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-05-22 10:37 pm (UTC)Rachel
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Date: 2010-05-23 10:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-24 06:57 pm (UTC)