Feb. 27th, 2008

Quake!

Feb. 27th, 2008 07:08 am
ailbhe: (Default)
My feet knew it was an earthquake but my mind tried to talk me out of it. It was the most peculiar feeling. Only the front of our house shook - buzzed - and the shaking stopped halfway along the length of my bed. My feet fizzled with the vibration and my hips didn't. Afterwards I heard the bookshelves and wall resettling with a plinking sound.

When I came back from asking Rob if he thought it was a quake, it was 12:59 by the radio alarm clock. Rob was in the spare room at the back of the house and hadn't noticed a thing.

The strangest thing was that the only noise was the noise of the house; there was no noise of, say, a large lorry trundling down the road.
ailbhe: (Default)
I hit Linnea.

She's fine, I'm in shock. Alarmingly, I entertained the idea of asking her not to tell anyone for several seconds. There is no justification for it - it wasn't necessary, it wasn't helpful, it wasn't rational - I just lost my temper and didn't stop myself.

I think she forgave me quite quickly. Part of me is relieved; I'm getting this blasted, blasted implant out in a week anyway, and I've been dreading the possibility of losing my temper for months, and now I have, and she's ok with it. She was shocked and angry, which is good - she wasn't afraid or guilty-feeling.

Apart from being briefly shocking, it didn't much affect her behaviour for good or ill for the rest of the time before nursery.

I want to go to bed and cry.
ailbhe: (Default)
I'm not depressed. Stressed, anxious, and with PMT, yes, but not depressed.

But it's all around anyway. A friend of mine is enduring through moderate PND now; I'm helping her as much as I can but that's not much. The radio has bits about it, on and off, and Woman's Hour had a whole show this morning. And there's the whole horrible Nollaig and Tadhg thing, just barely over six months ago.

So today I found myself - because of my clear and complete failure as a mother, natch (no, I don't believe this, but I did for about five minutes) - looking at the tempting slope of depression again. And it's very tempting.

But I don't want to go there.

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