storbarnsförälder

Woman-centred care. Continuity of care. Choice. Support. Respect. Trust. One-to-one care. Realism.

Our relationship with Fiona started in 2003, when we had our booking appointment for our first child. Our first impression of her was of a friendly, competent professional who enjoyed her job.

Three years later, I know she's a committed, dedicated, funny, kind, generous, loyal, kind, patient /saint/.

She first showed her true colours when I wanted to change GPs, having been told by one that my rubella immunity status was unimportant and by another that my Rh- status was irrelevant to my care (I knew I had never been vaccinated against rubella, and that I wanted prophylactic Rhogam if I was Rh-, which it turns out I am). I came out of the GP's office in tears and my husband called her; from then on she came to my house for every single antenatal appointment.

Throughout my first pregnancy she answered every question I had, including telling me where to look for more information. She discussed my preferences and listened to my worries. She was not present for my actual labour and delivery, but she did call the hospital to check on me while I laboured and she visited my bed in the postnatal ward.

That first labour was extremely traumatic, leaving me with various complications which were only discovered in the weeks and months after the birth. I developed PTSD. We found that my third degree tear had been poorly repaired and I was doubly incontinent. I had a rectocele, and my perineum was in a miserable state. When my daughter was 18 months old, I had been repaired enough to become pregnant again, and as soon as the pregnancy was confirmed, we contacted Fiona.

Fiona visited me at my home for all my routine antenatal appointments. She took my blood samples for routine tests, so that I could avoid the panic attacks and flashbacks associated with going to the hospital. She accompanied me to appointments with the consultant obstetrician, and supported me in my desire for a homebirth, going so far as to seek out and speak to an independent midwife with personal experience of helping women with previous third and fourth degree tears to deliver naturally. She even did my research for me, so that when I eventually decided to have a scheduled cesarean section (as I had been advised to do by the colo-rectal surgeon, the gynaecologist, and the obstetrician) I felt that I was making a decision based on genuine information, not just because I had been told what to do and obeyed the authorities.

I was terrified by the prospect of a section.

She arranged that I could meet everyone involved in the surgical delivery of my second child before the operation. She gave me the courage to insist on seeing an operating theatre before the day of delivery - which proved invaluable, since I had no memory of one from the birth of my first child and seeing one provoked a strong fear response which took a long time to recover from. Coping with that on the day of birth would have detracted terribly from the experience.

Fiona came to the planning appointments with us. She got us a place on the c-section antenatal class and hospital tour. She agreed to be present for the operation, though it was school holidays and not one of the days on which she normally worked - I have no idea how she arranged childcare, but I do know that she showed up on time.

Having someone I knew well at the operation was invaluable. I trusted her to notice if anything went hideously wrong - after the last birth, a competent witness was important to me. I was also able to trust her to tell me what the obstetrician was doing, in a level of detail I could cope with (somewhere between "The nice lady is making a hole in your tummy" and "You've been sliced open - it looks like raw liver only bloodier"). She made sure that my birth plan - which had been agreed with the obstetrician beforehand - was adhered to, including the highly complicated bit about having the end of the cord tied, rather than clamped, for my convenience.

She stayed with us in the recovery room until we were discharged to the postnatal ward. She came to visit every day I was in hospital, chasing up my pain relief and making sure I had clean sheets. One night she came at 9:30 pm, because it was the first chance she got, having put her own family to bed.

She's an NHS midwife, so I can't pay her as I would an independent midwife (she'd get into trouble). I've given her some cake, some photos and a couple of books - but she deserves much more.